Walking The Line

I've decided that I'm going to take a risk today. I also think I've been writing too many posts lately with one- or two-word titles, so I decided to switch that up again. I've been rather unproductive lately, and from this first paragraph, I'm willing to bet that this sounds like another one of those posts that rants about how I have nothing to say. Hopefully by the end of this, that's not what it'll sound like at all. So what is this risk that I am taking? I am saying the truth. Admittedly, that's what I strive for with every post, but some are more vague and less revealing than I hope to make this one. Without further interruption, here goes nothing.

I like risk. I like walking the edge. I like sitting at the top and looking straight down at the distance I will fall if I so much as move an inch. And that's only the beginning. I like being powerless. I like losing control. I like not knowing what may happen, the instants that flicker and the moments that seem to hold for hours.

I love being pinned. I love being pushed against a wall or pressed to the ground. I love it when my hands are held and I can't move, when my breath comes in ragged bursts and I feel my heart pounding. I love not being able to do anything and having no choice but to wait and see what happens next. I love the anticipation, the excitement, the raw physiological response to losing control.

I live for the thrill. I live to feel a steel blade on my neck, to know that a tiny force exerted could so simply end my life. I live to know that I may fall and never open my eyes again. I live for the rush of adrenaline through my blood and the feeling of being awake that you only get on that edge. I live for the sheer excitement and ecstasy of not knowing what happens next.

There is one way in this life to make me think about something twice, and that is by putting an edge beneath my feet. If something takes away my breath and makes me forget everything but the moment because I can do absolutely nothing...I will never forget an instant like that. Nothing hits me as hard as having the power taken away from me. Nothing makes me feel, experience, live as much as something pushing me all the way to the edge and making me think that I may actually fall.

The challenge that I love taking most is the one that wagers my life...