Promise

"I promise," I whispered as I had countless times before. I would promise my soul away if it meant that you would be happy. I promise to be there for you when you need me. I promise to smile for you even if all I want to do is cry. I promise that I will never walk away, never abandon you, never let the cruel world take you without fighting me first.

Too bad that you would never know that. Too bad that you would never actually hear me say those words. Is it your loss or mine that no matter how much I try to protect you every day, you're never going to know the least of it? Because once again, it was the silence of the cold, dark bedroom that heard my whisper.

The phrase hung on the air, heavy with meaning, laden with struggle. There was no echo, no response. I closed my eyes and sighed, smelling the faint fragrance of spring drifting into the room. It would never be as it was before. All of those days, all gone...no longer mine to be had. Every little gesture, every smile or glance that had once meant so much was nothing any longer. It was all in the past.

And yet I still promised. I still whispered those words into the night, hoping that one day you would hear them, one day you would understand. I have followed you through heaven and through hell; most of the time you didn't even see me there. I am no longer beside you, I am behind you, waiting to catch you if you should fall, not because you want me there, but because I promised never to let you collapse.

Even as I lay there, remembering the look in your eyes, I knew that I could never expect the same from you. But I don't ask for it, either. The promises I made were all for you; every last word I ever whispered late at night was for nobody else. As the last breath escaped past my lips, my eyes shut and I abandoned myself to the realm of sleep. The final instants of my consciousness slipped away and the final thought was the promise I made to you, playing as a lullaby in the realm of dreams.