Twilight

I walked out in distress. The pain clutched at my body and tore me to bits. I didn't want to be there anymore, I wanted to do whatever it took to get out. So I walked out. It was really all that simple. I walked outside into the fading light and wondered where to go from there.

It can be said that I'd reached the point of not caring, that I'd crossed the boundary from reasonable behavior to acting on emotions and instincts. But that wasn't what was in my mind at the time. All I was aware of was the misery.

When I stepped out, I didn't know where I wanted to go or what I wanted to do. I just knew that I had to get away. And with that driving me forward and pain fueling my movement, I began to walk. I knew not where I was going, and it didn't matter in the least. I was getting away, and it was the only thing that could make me forget about the agony even for a minute.

If I wanted to forget, I had to keep walking, and I knew that. So I kept on. I went forward until it didn't matter anymore where I was or how I got there, so long as I kept myself in motion. By then I'd lost track of time, not that it really mattered to me anyway. I was lost in my own world.

And after a bit, my legs began to ache and I began to feel the breath grating through my throat, tired from the unexpected exertion, fatigued from the strain that had driven me forth. I began to slow down, and as I did, I felt the world come back around me. There was sensation once again, not just my breath and heartbeat, but the motion of the rest of the world.

I took a deep breath then, and I gave myself up. I gave myself up to the twilight and the music, I let my mind float freely on the wind, unhindered by my emotional baggage, unabashed by my torturous thoughts. I let myself go. And for one single moment of my existence, I was free. I was completely and totally, simply and elegantly free.