Why

...and the only reason I don't ask is because I know you'll say "no."

At this point, that's just not worth it. Because if spending the day the way I did wasn't enough, the last thing I need is to hear "no" for an answer. So I'm not even going to ask. As much as I wish I would, I'm not even going to try. It's not worth it anymore, maybe at one point it was, but now it isn't.

So I give up. I can't keep doing this to myself, and I can't keep hoping. It is the way it is, and all I can do now is just take that and accept it. And here I am, lying to myself, yet again. Because I know that I won't just deal with it, and I know that against all better judgment I'll continue to hold out and hope.

I want more than anything right now to just ask. But I know that I can't, and I know that I'm not going to. I'm just going to keep sitting here, getting nothing done, knowing full well that it's the only thing I want...and hoping against all possibility that something will happen.

I'm tired of this, I'm sick of being broken. Please don't hold it against me, please just tell me it's all going to be alright...

Please?