Control

Control is an aspect that comes up in life on a regular basis. It determines the way we live, the actions we take, the decisions we reach, and the mistakes we stop ourselves from making. That's really the biggest things it comes back to...mistakes.

What happens when we lose control, when we let ourselves go and don't watch boundaries...that's when mistakes are made. Are they really mistakes, though? Is what happens when we lose control wrong, bad, immoral? That's what it becomes difficult to determine. What constitutes this thing called a mistake?

It appears so often that losing control is tantamount to committing errors. It appears to be the case that once we let our guard down, cease to think rationally, that is when we lead ourselves into a certain hell of sorts, one which throws us off and messes with our lives. But how much of it is really a major error, a true mistake?

It ultimately all comes down to definitions, in this case precisely how we define a mistake. Sometimes things seemingly go too far if we lose control. Other times, there is absolutely nothing apparently wrong with a given situation. All too often, we have no idea how to qualify it until it's over. We don't know if something was a mistake or not.

And sometimes, sometimes control just seems to disappear, be it out of elation, depression, fascination, or agony. Then we must try our best to not make mistakes, to not let our lives fall apart. We have to watch and see, and be careful about just where we allow things to go.

What happens next? I'll be damned if I know. But it's a matter of being careful, a matter of keeping a certain amount of control to not let everything fall to bits. I promised myself I wouldn't repeat what happened last year. And I'm keeping to that. I'm not letting everything go to pieces out of carelessness and foolish loss of control.