65 Days

I have 65 days.

65 days to count down.
65 days to run through hypothetical situations.
65 days to miss people.
65 days to wait impatiently.

I want to be back.
Because when I'm here and not there, everything feels unstable.
Every moment seems like the world may collapse in on me.
And I don't like that feeling.

I'm restless.
Even fatigue doesn't hinder that.
I don't want to be here.
And thoughts of where I'd rather be won't let me relax.

I have 65 days to fix some issues.
To hopefully gain some control over this depression.
To understand what I want and what I need.
To get something done while I can.

I know that as the day draws closer,
I'll start dreading it.
But for now,
I can't wait.

I want to be back.
I want to breathe that air again.
I want to feel the emotions that it brings back.
I want to see the people who I miss so much.

I love that place.
It's as much home to me as anywhere else has ever been.
If only because of the people.

So now, I have my 65 remaining days.
And I'm counting down anxiously.