Blur

I'm not particularly keen on writing today. In fact, I'd much rather curl up in bed, or even on the train on my way home, and just read. I want to spend my entire day reading, and doing nothing but. I want to forget that I have work to do, that there are people I can be talking to, and I just want to curl up, block out everything else, and read.

This is me being an introvert, as per usual. I've hit the point in the week where I've had enough of people, and I don't feel like clicking on a minimized window every two minutes to continue a conversation that's not really going anywhere. If I had to have a person with me, I'd just want to curl up next to them (fine, I'd set aside the book at that point) and stay primarily silent. Maybe we'd say one or two phrases occasionally, but for the most part, it would be just the bodily comfort of someone being next to me, not conversation.

I'm not entirely certain why I don't want to write though. It almost feels like I've run out, like I've already said so much and there's nothing left to say. I think maybe that's more of me just not really wanting to think now, which comes with being sleep-deprived (because goodness knows, the past couple of nights have been terrible for me). So it's easier to just shut the rest of my own life out and just read and think about everyone else for a change.

Looking up from my screen, everything is a blur for a bit. I need to take a minute to refocus my vision, to start recognizing the world around me as actually being real again for once. It's strange. It feels like I'm floating in some sort of dreamy world, where nothing is real, like I'll wake up in a couple of hours and go back to my life. This is a particularly strange sensation to have when I have work to accomplish, and a limited window of time for that.

But I don't want to work. And I don't want to think. And in a way, I don't even want this blurriness to go away. It's nice to not be entirely conscious of reality every once in a while. I like being able to just slip into my own little world, be it in a book or just in my head. So two hours from now, I'll be off, and after another half hour or so of catching public transportation, I'll be on the train back, lost in a book.

I can't wait for that. Just the thought of it makes me happy.