Scream

I've started writing again. I mean, writing for myself.

I've started writing things that I'm not posting.
Things that are only for myself and nobody else.
Things where I don't need to leave out details.

Where I can say what I want
and I don't have to leave out names
or the emotions I really feel
or tone down what I want to say.

I can scream at the world.
Every phrase I know I can't post on my blog
I write out where nobody will ever see.

Because I need to.
Because it saves me.
Because it's the only way
that I can get through this mess.

This way, I can tell the full truth again.
I don't have to lie about what I wrote.
I hope it helps.

I need myself right now.
I need myself more than I need other people.
I need to learn to hold myself up alone.

So now I'm trying.
I'm trying to get back up on my feet.
And I'm afraid that I'm going to fall apart.
But I hope I don't.

I really, really hope I don't...