To The Point Of Tears

"Live to the point of tears." --Albert Camus

That's powerful. And at the same time, ridiculously frightening. Because it asks you to live that much, to push yourself to the very edge of existence and to prepare yourself to be broken. Being broken hurts, and that's why it's so often avoided. But maybe there's some sense to this, to living to that point.

They say that you can never find your limits unless you take the risk and cross that line. Maybe this is the same idea, that you can't really live unless you know just how far you can go, just how painful it can get. I've often said that you need the bitterness in your life in order to appreciate all of the joys and peaceful moments. So I guess it makes sense, then.

It's not possible to live without getting hurt, not possible to truly experience anything without legitimately letting go and taking chances. Sometimes we do need to live to the point where we're broken and crying and don't know what to do, just so that we can find ourselves again, so that we have a solid place from which to pick ourselves up and move forward in life.

And frightening as it may be, maybe that's just what I need.

Maybe what's right is for me to stop fearing, to let go of that need for control, and just accept things, not question them, not mourn them, just let them be, believe them. Maybe it's time for me to take a chance again, to let myself get hurt by someone other than myself for once. Maybe that's what I really need right now.

So I'll try it. I'll try to let myself live to the point of tears. I'll let myself be vulnerable. It's not as though lying to myself as I am now is doing any good, anyway. Alright. I will believe. I will trust. I will be open and truthful and honest. That way, I know that surely I will end up broken.

I guess it's worth a try, if nothing more.