Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Lose Control

Fine. I snapped. I opened my mouth too soon, too quickly, too harshly. Maybe it wasn't completely my fault, because I was reacting to something irrational, because I wasn't the first to have said anything. But my irrational reactions weren't exactly brilliant on their own, either...so it really is primarily my fault, despite the sleep-deprivation and stress that led to it in a way.

So I guess that by throwing a bit of nonsense onto my already not-so-pleasant day, it made me snap, react, lash out. I lashed out, I was screaming, I was swearing, and I quite literally hit the point just before tears...at the very point in time when I should have made some sense of everything and been confident about the way things were.

I didn't apologize, either. Maybe it's for the better, maybe for the worse. But there were no words I could say sincerely to ask for forgiveness, nothing I could express without shouting and coming close to tears. I guess that's what happens when I'm sleep-deprived...my emotions get boiled down to something simple, plain, and over-the-top.

That's probably a bad thing. Oh well. I can't really say much of anything to that right now. I'm tired, still not in the best mood, and feeling quite miserable as I do pretty much every single time I'm in the same place I am right now. Deep breath. Here's hoping something here starts working out or making sense or at least that I get enough sleep for once in my life.

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