Tender Web of Humanity

Humanity...the world we live in, the people we are surrounded by, the interactions and everyday contacts we have with them are the individual threads that make up the web that is life. And they are all so fragile, so tender, delicate, sensitive...so thin. We tend to take them for granted, but when they fall apart, we really begin to see just how dependent we are on these sensitive ties that hold us close.

It's only rare moments like these when we can actually begin to see the threads in the sunlight, the sheer tenderness that really holds us together. What is perhaps worst...is that I don't just see them holding anything together, I see them falling apart. I see everything falling to pieces, all of the strings about to tear, and it breaks my heart.

Somehow, somehow the only way I could forget was by breaking my body instead of my heart, by running in the rain, by making the physical strain everything to make the emotional weakness go away. And I'm not foolish enough to believe that to be possible, I haven't been in years now. Regardless, I tried, because it was all I could do.

The past couple of days have been stories or more fictionalized works, so I hope it's fair for me to take today to just write a bit about my life, get a bit off my chest. Today was a pretty productive day for me, especially in the morning. And as the day wore on, I guess it started wearing on me--because when you're watching someone falling and falling, and all you can do is stand there and wonder when they'll hit the ground, it's hard.

Sometimes you just wish it would already happen, and then you would be afraid of the fact that you were wishing hell on then...so you tell yourself that it's just stressful, that you just want to forget. You fight it as much as you can, do whatever you can to get your mind off of it, and sometimes you manage to even be happy, to laugh, to smile, to have fun. But in the end, it comes back. So it hurts, and you're confused. And you try to understand it.

All the while though, that web is continuing to slowly fall apart. Each of those threads is growing weaker, every second that passes causes it to weaken, and the only thing to do is to wait...wait and see when everything finally comes crashing down. Then picking up the pieces can actually begin, and life can start over again.