The last scene of Fight Club keeps playing out in my head. Right now, it's just one of those moments. One of those moments where you know everything is going to be alright, if only just because it isn't. Because really, absolution is wonderful. It is gorgeous and extraordinary, inspiring and powerful.
Just because everything is crashing down around me right now, I can smile and know that everything will go on. It's not a question or a mere wondering, it's knowledge. I know that it will be alright. If only because when everything falls like then, when all of the walls have crumbled and the defenses shattered, only then can everything be rebuilt to be better.
So right now, everything is falling. Right now, I am approaching rock bottom at a rate steadily approximating an exponential curve. And nothing could be better. Because after I hit the ground, and everything breaks, and my mind gets torn to pieces again...I'll be able to get up, and smile, and walk away. Everything will be healed, the bonds that were broken will be reforged. Hitting that ground means that I can change things, that I can start again and do it differently.
I'm standing back, and I'm watching the explosions. In the bitter destruction, lies tremendous force and energy. And it's absolutely beautiful. When it's all over, life will go on. The world will continue on its course around the sun. As for me, I'll be living my life, making decisions...and mistakes. That's what it ultimately comes down to. Right now, right now there is only one thing that matters at all.
I know that everything is going to be alright...because I know with absolute certainty that it isn't.
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