Complete

Now it hurts.  But it's not the miserable agony of not being able to take it anymore.  It's something I can handle, something that makes a part of me feel more complete.  I don't want it to end.  I just want it balanced at that precarious edge where it's almost too much to bear, yet still enough for me to feel the poignant subtleties of each sensation causing it.

This is never going to be good for me.  But in a way, it's one of those sensations I've grown to love.  I feel comfortable in it.  That's the way I am--I either over-do it and hate myself or I under-do it and find myself right here once again, in pain, but content with the fact.  I'm not sure what to make of that fact, nor how it really changes anything.

I don't have the self-control to under-do it most of the time.  I know I'm not about to change this.  I don't need a middle ground, I've never been much of one for that balance or even dispersal.  I like my extremes.  If I manage to maintain this one, it's not going to end well.  But nothing is ever really going to end well, so I'm not particularly worried.