Uncertainty

Because I don't know.  I just don't.  I'm not sure what to say or when to say it or why I should even bother saying anything.  Is there any sense in it?  Presumably not.  Words, thoughts, feelings, emotions.  None of it makes the least bit of sense.  Perhaps it is merely the fact of indifference, or perhaps the association with bitterness and this nonsense of depression, and this misery that is comprised of inability to deal with anything.

It gets better, and it gets worse, and none of it makes the least bit of sense.  It doesn't really work.  I don't think there's a way to really fix any of this.  Is there anything to fix?  Is anything even broken?  Maybe the point is that it's not supposed to work or make sense or be reasonable.  The problem with that is that it's hard when it doesn't work, when it falls apart, when it seems like everything is about to end but you know it's not going to.

Is that the worst of it?  Or perhaps the set in stone certainty is the best part.  It is painful and miserable, but there is something in that pain and misery that is at least something.  It is better than nothing.  It provides a foundation, a starting point, a solid beginning that at least means something.  The beauty of pain is that it holds a weight that cannot really be shaken particularly well.

Maybe it's worse that the foundation is painful.  Maybe it's better because there is a comparison to everything else.  I don't know.  I just know that it's not simple, not alright, not pleasant.  It's tolerable, certainly.  But is it so wrong for me to want something to just work for once?  Why does it always hurt so damn much?  I don't understand that.

I'm sorry.  This whole post was a ranting compilation of various thoughts that have been in and out of my mind for a couple of days now.  It probably doesn't make sense.  Something's probably wrong if it does.  Or maybe that's just me.  Again, I apologize.  Hopefully, I will find something worthwhile to write about in the near future.