Damn...

I really hope this isn't what I think it might be.  A week earlier, that would have been ideal.  A week later, that I could deal with.  But right now?  Right in the middle of absolutely everything?  I can't deal with this at present.  I really can't.  I don't have the time to be down or out or incapable, and I cannot be questioned thirty times over as to whether or not I am alright.

I'm still sitting here thinking maybe this is one of those things that goes away the next morning instead of getting worse... But how often does that actually happen?  Especially considering the fact that everything lines up properly, too.  I mean, I realized this was probable (not just possible, probable), but...damn it.  And hey, maybe I am just paranoid.  Maybe I'm exaggerating it in my mind and it'll be over in a few days and it won't be what I think it might be. 

That doesn't make me any less paranoid or freaked out or anxious at the moment.  I can't afford for this to get in my way right now, not with everything that is going to be happening or needs to happen in the next week.  If this is what I'm guessing, then they can't know because of one thing, and they can't know because of another, and they can't know because I'd never hear the end of it, and she can't know because she'd just give me absolute hell.

Absolute hell is the last thing I need right now.  This past summer has been close enough to that.  I'm probably blowing this out of proportion and it's probably nothing (or so I hope), but this is me...I can't help but dread the worst possible case.  Yes, a bit irrational, but it is what it is.  So now I sit back and wait for something to happen to let me know whether I can stop freaking out or not. 

God damn it, I hate this.