Optimism

Maybe it will all get better.  Maybe it will work out.  I was so broken last night from all of this.  I was tired, depressed, crushed, frustrated.  But today is better.  I've done what I can, I've fixed as much as I can.  I feel better about all of it.  Yes, this has significantly bothered me.  It's made me question a lot and brought me back to a place I had though I'd moved past.

But I think I'm alright now.  I've stopped shaking.  I can smile again.  I can think and talk about things other than this, finally.  It's significantly drained my mind the last couple of days, but it seems to be drawing to a close, finally.  On the plus side, it's also helped me get more prepared for the future.  I made a lot of mistakes in this regard without even realizing it, and now I've fixed a lot of them.

I know there's still a chance things will get more messed up before they get better.  I know it can be a lot worse, especially if the situation isn't exactly what it appears to be.  But for right now, I have it under control.  For the moment, I'm comfortable with how the situation is working itself out.  I'm calm enough to get to sleep tonight, hopefully enough to enjoy my day tomorrow, that sort of thing.  It feels like I can finally see a light at the end of this tunnel.  And I've been really needing that.

I know my thoughts on this, my emotions, my reactions to the tiniest changes in circumstance, may all change infinitely quickly.  But for the moment, it's alright.  I'm fine.  Hopefully, it stays that way.  And if it doesn't, I figure I'll be able to deal with it and get through it.  That's all that really matters, in the end.  But I'm sitting here and finally enjoying this vacation without a tremendous undertone of panic.  It's a nice change of pace.