Cracks

I'm tired, and I'm depressed, and I just want it all to disappear right now.  I don't know if I want any of this anymore, but I know I don't want to have to think about it anymore.  I wish I could sit down and write something profound right now, make something worthwhile out of the single sentences of brilliance that have been floating in and out of my head day after day that I've been sitting in the car, watching the world flash past my eyes.

I'm not in the right state of mind for brilliance or for eloquence or for reason even, really.  My mind has been going non-stop, everything has been hurting and breaking and shattering and I couldn't stop any of it.  I barely feel it anymore.  Everything inside me is a mess right now.  There's no way to sort it out, to make it clear, to make any of it any better.  It's too late.  It's been too late for a while, and I've been pretending that it wasn't.

So here I am, sitting in bed, wondering what to do next.  I'm barely holding myself together.  I'm about to slip up and everything is going to absolutely fall apart.  What do I do then?  Or what do I do now?  I can't do this.  I really can't.  Nothing makes sense.  I can't think.  I have absolutely no idea what's even happening anymore.  All I know is that it's falling apart and I don't know how to stop it.

Help.  Please.