Push Through The Pain

I've often been one to test myself.  It used to be a thing of competition, but as time went on, that decreased in importance to me.  It became more a matter of finding my limits, seeing just how much I could do.  The easiest way to do that, of course, was to push myself physically.  I would work out, run hard, do everything I could until my lungs burned and my legs felt too heavy to move.  Then I would do more.

This is how I tested myself and how I improved myself.  I sought out pain in order to conquer it.  I enjoyed the battle against myself, the fight where nobody could win.  Lately, I've found that I still enjoy it.  But more recently, I haven't had the need to seek out the pain.  It's often there, in one form or another.  My joints are stiff, my muscles are sore, and I'm out of shape. 

On the one hand, it's miserable.  It hurts.  On the other hand, though, that presents me with the opportunity to prove myself still further.  Instead of testing myself only when the mood struck, every day has sometimes become a battle to keep going, to not falter, to not let my weaknesses be perceived.  Maybe it makes me stronger.  Maybe it just shows how weak I've become.

Strength and weakness are relative statements, though.  So days like today, when it hurts to stand, sometimes even to breathe, and I still do more than that...I feel accomplished, I feel strong, like I did something and pushed myself, which I guess I did. 

Alright, I'll be honest: I've had this post in mind since mid-morning, I just didn't have time to write then.  Right now, my mind is preoccupied and I'm not in the best mood, so whatever I had intended to write isn't coming out nearly as well as I would like it to.  My sincerest apologies for that.  I hope I have something better to say tomorrow.