Metacognition...Almost

I've been thinking a lot about writing lately.  I've spent hours agonizing (alright, perhaps not that dramatic) over what to write, wondering what I had that was worth saying, contemplating whether I should say one thing or another, express this or that.  I'm still not really sure.  I'm still pulling a blank.  Today has been relatively calm, and that's a good thing.  I like that.  I like that very much.  But that still leaves me with the question of what to write.

Perhaps the better question is what I should do right now.  I'm tired.  Eight hours of sleep over the course of two days will do that to you, especially when it's that on top of pre-existing sleep deprivation.  So I'm too tired to work.  It would be nice to see people right now, to do something interesting or exciting.  The problem with that, though, is that just about everyone I know or would want to spend time with is currently busy...and will be for the next two and a half hours.

I also realized that I changed topics mid-post.  Oh well, I guess it happens.  So here I am, changing the subject again.  But really, I don't know.  I've got nothing worthwhile to say, no brilliant or even vaguely intelligent ideas, no realizations or discoveries to share with the world.  I'm just me, sitting here bored and alone and somewhat confused, wondering what I'm supposed to do with myself now.

And as I sit here wondering about that, the bitter taste of underachievement creeps into my mouth.  It's that miserable sense of not having done enough.  It's knowing that if I had done more, if I had done better, if I was better, I'd be busy right now too.  But I'm not.  And everyone I know is.  And now I'm sitting here feeling all pathetic and inferior because there goes yet another part of my life that I've messed up.

Fair enough, that's over-exaggerated.  I'm not that upset about it.  I'm just a bit dramatic because of how bored and tired I am.  Regardless though, I am still less than pleased with this.  Because I know that to a certain extent, it really is true.  And now I have to face myself knowing that fact.  Alas, it happens.  I'll deal.