Calm

I'm sitting here in this wonderfully large break in my day.  Just sitting here.  I can hear the rain hitting the roof of the building.  I want to go outside.  I want to feel it soaking through my clothes and cleaning the bitterness, the misery, the agony of the past few days away.  Even without being in it, I feel it happening anyway.  People say that rain cleanses.  Whether that's true or not, right now, something is cleansing me.

I feel like I'm finally getting caught up with work (more or less), finally sorting this mess out, finally crawling out of the hole I've been in.  I don't know why, but I woke up feeling better today.  Maybe that's just because I woke up next to someone, although more likely not.  I think I'm just finally starting to figure things out.  I'm tired enough that I don't have the energy to dwell on things or obsessively worry.  So I'm calm.  And this feels peaceful.

It's nice.  I can maybe even say that I'm happy.  That's definitely a good thing.  My writing is different right now.  I just noticed that, even though it's unrelated to everything else.  The sentences are shorter.  My thoughts are simpler.  Maybe not getting enough sleep can be good sometimes.  I like it this way.  I feel like I could crawl into bed and disappear for a bit and be warm and calm and happy.  The only real change from right now I guess is that I'd be in bed and warm.

That's good.  And good things haven't happened often this past week.  Part of me is really tired and does just want to curl up in a warm, fuzzy corner and sleep.  I'm trying really hard not to do that, though, because I have somewhere to be in 20 minutes.  Which is a shame.  Because otherwise I very well might go grab a blanket and fall asleep here.  That would be nice.

I guess the point of this is that I'm calm.  That I'm possibly even happy.  That I finally feel like maybe I can deal with all of this again.  This is good.  I want to keep it this way.