Drown

It doesn't hurt.  I'm not broken over it or particularly upset by it.  I'm just empty.  Simply that.  I feel as though I am being swallowed up by everything around me.  It's done.  That's it.  The end.  No more.  It's completely out of my control now.  And I can't do anything else, I can't change it anymore, nothing.  That's simply it.  And I feel nothing.

I feel empty.  I'm not proud, I'm not triumphant, I'm not panicked.  I don't feel anything.  Maybe it's better that way.  I just really don't know what to think right now. I'm numb.  I'm sitting here in a tiny corner of the world, losing myself to music soft and bittersweet.  It's as though I don't exist.  Everything is going on around me and I'm just floating on the melody.

This isn't quite depression.  Not at all, really.  It's that same sensation of insignificance and emptiness, but this isn't unhappy or bitter for any reason.  It just is.  It doesn't matter.  And yet it isn't apathy.  I'm not quite sure what it really is.  I just know that here I am, in the middle of it all, watching the world go on around me and feeling powerless to do anything against or about it.

It just feels endless right now.  Endless and tedious.  I don't know what to make of any of it.  And tomorrow I have to resume life.  I don't know why that's so hard for me to wrap my head around, or why it is that I can't make sense of anything at present, but it is the way it is.  I'm sorry.  This probably makes no sense.  But nothing does to me at present.  Oh well.