Future

For the first time in hell knows how long, really, I'm finally starting my post of the day at a more or less reasonable hour.  Not that that's helping me much.  I'm twitchy and exhausted and entirely unsure of what to think.  This is frustrating.  If I'm not mistaken, I said practically the exact same thing last night.  About the frustration, I mean.

But here I am anyway, trying to put thoughts and twitches into logical words and coherent sentences.  I can't say it's working out particularly well.  Why am I twitchy?  I'm not entirely certain.  I think it probably has something to do with the fact that I've been thinking about the future, and the future is quite a terrifying thing.  It is one of those that is unclear, unknown.  They say that the unknown is terrifying.  Perhaps it is a cliche statement, but it holds true so often.

I'm standing at a fork in the road, but I'm not far enough yet to be able to make a decision, but too far already to change the path I'm on.  Paradoxical, is it not?  I can't have one, I can't have the other.  I'm hanging in the balance and there's nothing I can change and all I can do is just sit here and wait, wait for everything to somehow, hopefully turn out for the best.

I don't know if I really believe in things turning out "for the best" anymore.  It's worth a try, though, anyway.  There's no harm done in that, if only in that it keeps me calm for a little bit.  But part of the problem is that it's not keeping me calm because I'm still confused and still vaguely panicked.  Alas, it'll work itself out.  I've got all of forever to worry about the rest of it.