Understand

I have nothing to say.

I have spent the entire day putting off writing this, trying to find something worthwhile to put into words, anything that could convey the barest and finest threads of my emotions or express the thoughts spinning webs within my tired, tattered brain.  And here I am, approaching the end of the day, forcing words out of this mess because I have nothing elegant I can present.

It's all been like this lately, for the most part.  The most insightful thoughts, I have not the words to express, and the rest are either so bitter or so unoriginal that they do not merit mention in writing of any form.  So here I am again, just as I have been day after day, filling the space as I demand of myself, hoping that one day something will fall together again.

A friend told me today that she couldn't fathom how it was that I blogged every single day.  I told her exactly what I tell myself--I make myself do it.  If I didn't do it every day, I would never do it.  So I set a minimum length requirement for each post, and make sure that whether it takes two minutes or two hundred, I sit down and make a post out of whatever may be floating in the recesses of my mind.

Sometimes it hurts too much to say what I really think.  Other times I have absolutely no clue where lie my thoughts.  And then I have to guess, waffle, or invent something to put down.  I wish I had anything truly worthy of writing lately, but nothing brilliant has struck me in many months.  Yet I continue to fill this space with empty words.  Perhaps I am hoping to once more find my muse and be able to express myself again, or perhaps it is merely a habit that will soon fall away.  I do not know.  I guess all I can do is wait and see how this turns out.