Flaws

We point out most harshly in others the very flaws we find within ourselves. I heard that for the first time more than five years ago. I was in the middle of a conflict with one of my closest friends, and like most battles with me, the weapons were select subtle remarks, the cold shoulder, and logical appeals to my other friends that she was wrong in everything.

Like most of my arguments at the time, my primary points against her involved her behavior toward me and others, from her disrespectful tendencies to her contemptuous, self-advocating statements. And then I heard that we dislike in others most strongly that which is a part of ourselves. It wasn't even brought up in the context of that conflict, but it distinctly altered my perception of the disagreement at hand.

Unlike most things at the time, that statement made me look once more at myself rather than at the world around me. It gave me cause for introspection and the chance to analyze my own flaws for a change. And what I found is that for the most part, it holds true. Certainly there are occasional exceptions, but what we criticize in others, in my observation, is almost always a reflection of something within ourselves, even if merely a past habit or trait.

As far as what happened with that friend, we spent a couple of years in a discontented state that couldn't really be qualified as a friendship, the conclusion of which was reached when I left to start my life elsewhere. Interestingly enough, we somehow rebuilt a connection since I left, and she is one of the few people I make sure to see whenever I come back to visit.

We've both changed since then though, gone in completely different directions with our lives. It makes me wonder, too, if our similarity at that point in time may not have been the precise reason we were so upset with each other. I guess we can speculate on it all we want, but there's no way for us to really know anymore.