Significance

"Would it change anything, for you?"

"I don't know
as always, it depends on...well, everything"

I don't know what brought that back to mind. Or why I'm thinking of it now. Or maybe I do. Maybe I knew then, too. Maybe if I lied less and told more...

"Does this matter?"

Did it? Does it? I wonder sometimes if I'm too afraid to admit that it does...or if I'm simply too fearful of telling myself that it doesn't. The fact remains then, I guess, that I wanted it to. I still want it to.

"Please, just tell me what's wrong"

Sometimes. Why should I if it doesn't make a difference? I guess that's not the question I really wanted answered. I wanted to know if it mattered. I'm still not sure it does. If only because one night I caught myself in the middle of this:

"I really wish you would have just said,
'Are you alright?'
Because that night, I would have told you the truth."

But that was a different night. A different time. A different life, really. Had I meant what I said? I never answered the question. I was afraid to. I was more afraid not to. I still didn't. How could I?

"please, shut up"

Did that change anything? Did it make a difference? Did it matter? I'm still here. So maybe it does. But then why...

"you say that as though it matters"

Doesn't it? I couldn't let myself believe that. Really, I just didn't want to. I knew that. I wanted to be hurt. I was as good as asking for it. I sure as hell deserved it. If it even means anything to deserve something anymore.

"Thank you."

It's been said so many times. For so many reasons. Two words, ones that supposedly express sincerity and sentiment. What do they even mean anymore? They roll off the tongue with no regards for the effect they will have.

"This better be worth it."

There's no such inherent thing as worth though. One moment it means something, the next it's nothing at all. And I don't let myself forget. I cling to meaninglessness and absolution in an attempt to escape them both. But it has all been said too many times before, and here I go again, repeating it.

"I'm sorry."