Simple

I miss when things were simple. I miss when they all made sense. When emotions were just that and didn't require endless explanation and analysis. When people were just people, and there was no confusion, and somehow it all just worked. Because somehow, sometime, somewhere everything became complicated.

Suddenly, it's like I don't even know who I am anymore. It's as though somewhere in the past two years, everything changed, and I knew it...but it seems to have flipped again and suddenly make no more sense (probably rather like that sentence). Somewhere along the way, I got hurt. Sometime after stepping forward, I fell flat on my face. And somehow while I was picking myself up, I left a piece of myself down on the ground that I know I can never get back.

Maybe that piece was the simplicity. Or perhaps it was merely the key. Perhaps if I still had it, everything would make sense. But the fact remains...whatever it was I don't have it; however I look at it, nothing makes any sense. People don't make sense. Things don't make sense. Life doesn't make sense. And I don't even make sense to myself.

How did I get to the point of over-complicating everything this much? I don't even know why I do, and yet I know I'm not going to stop. In part because I am afraid, in part because I am curious, and in part because some dark part of me wants to find something that every other part of me is terrified of.

That's where the simplicity completely disappears. That dark part of my soul, those murderous thought processes, the cataclysmic emotions that accompany them. It swallows up everything and anything else in my life, and it completely consumes me, driving away any simplicity I may ever have known.