Hypocrisy

Hypocrisy is rampant. It abounds and festers in every single action. Like a wave, it crests and breaks with every breath. We are all hypocrites in one way or another. We all have guilty pleasures, secret obsessions, unforgivable desires. And we all speak against one thing or another that we do. Sometimes, it is even the things we believe most truly to make up ourselves that we fight against most passionately.

But how can I even explain to someone who doesn't understand? It's a part of my life, it doesn't define who I am but it most certainly affect it significantly. It's not one of those things that I can merely walk away from, at the same time that I try to push it farther in everyone else. There is no explaining it really. You either understand it or you don't, it's either a part of you or it's not.

And really, it's better if it isn't. There it is again, the hypocrisy. It's better not to know, not to understand, not to live it. Yet I still do, I live this as religiously as those who follow any god will pursue their faith. That will be my downfall. I don't walk common roads, I follow this dark serpent weaving through nightmares and catastrophes, and I refuse to step aside.

If I had wanted to, I could be free. I could have left long ago, left it all behind me, moved beyond the twisted vines and the tortured fates. But I didn't. I make that choice every morning when I wake up and every night when I lay my head down to rest. I know the needles upon which I dance, and I know them well. They don't stop me.

Even as I weave my tales and follow the chasms, I steer all others away. I walk here willingly, I choose the crevices I press myself through and the rocks that tear at my skin as I pass. And that is precisely why nobody should follow me or walk beside me. I put myself through hell for reasons that are my own. Some of them I don't understand yet, some of them are not made to be understood.

But one fact remains: I am not to be followed. I am a hypocrite. I live my life most poignantly as a hypocrite. And that will forever remain. It doesn't change what I do, and it doesn't change what I believe anyone else should or shouldn't do. Hypocrisy and all, watch me...these are the mistakes that should not be made.