Strange

So I'll be honest. Physically, I feel absolutely terrible. I am curled up right now, in a ridiculous amount of pain, literally just waiting for it to pass...and it's a slow and miserable wait that's keeping me from getting important things done. But mentally, I'm actually in a good mood. Which is surprising. Pleasantly so, but still surprising.

That may be due to the fact that I may finally have some time to myself (hopefully, fingers crossed), or it may be because I just read something that is, I guess I could say, rather entertaining to me. I don't see it as particularly well-written, nor even overly coherent. But it still makes me smile. Why? Because it's so human.

It's so wonderfully flawed, so laughable in some ways and familiar in others. It's not stylized or scripted. In reading it, I can see that it wasn't really written to be read by an audience. And that, in my opinion, is one of the things that makes something worth reading. If it was written by a person only for themselves, it expresses something that no letter or essay or other audience-directed piece of work possibly could.

In a way, that brings me back to my own writing and this blog. Most of the time, I don't write to any specific audience, although I am aware (for the most part) of who does and doesn't read what I write. Sometimes I write specific pieces to or for specific people, although most of the time, it's just musings, thoughts...whatever happens to be in mind, basically.

But I guess that in writing this, I am aware that someone other than me will read these words, likely as not sooner rather than later. And admittedly, there are certain topics I just don't post about, certain thoughts that I absolutely refuse to mention. I have reasons for that, ranging from avoiding unnecessary insult and rash retaliation, to preserving some thoughts and feelings as private to myself and those I share them myself, out of choice, rather than because it was posted.

I still try to keep what I write genuine. I work to put down my emotions as they are, and simply avoid writing about them if I knew I would distort them in the attempt. This blog wasn't intended to put words down for every thought I have, nor was it meant to give glances into my life. I guess that really, I'm writing for myself, for one reason or another...and those who choose to read it may gain something, or so I hope, be it understanding of me or a new idea about life.

I feel better though. Writing helps me like that. It gives me a chance to think and to spill out my thoughts. Sometimes that outlet is just what I need. I guess that's probably why I haven't stopped posting yet.